The-Green-Crayon

You knew. You always knew it. And you know how it hurts me to see you with him. How it kills me to hear about you and him. My heart keeps stopping at the sight of him, hoping he could just see past you for a moment, and maybe he would see me for once. But no. You wouldn't let it. It's like it was intentional, the way you started to hang around him the way you did, taking every chance you got to make me realize I could never have him the way you did. The way you owned him like he was your pet, and he obeyed you like you were his master. And you knew it. You always did. It hurt me. It felt as though my heart was cracking in my chest, breakin

Dear Self,     I know he hurt you. He hurt you a lot. And I know how you feel like it’s the end of the world. Like your real heart has just shattered into a million different pieces and you can’t seem to put them back together. And there’s just this big lump in your throat that won’t go away, and now it seems that it’s getting bigger, and you can’t seem to talk anymore without shedding another tear. I know. It hurts.     But you can make it through. You may think you can’t, but you can. I promise you. That broken heart of yours, you can put it back together. It may seem impossible, but it’s not. Yo

I’m mad at you. Truly, I am mad at you. Maybe you don’t really notice it, because I’m hiding it behind faked laughs and false smiles stapled firmly to my face. With exaggerated facial emotions, and hands carefully pulled from their previous white knuckled fists. Or maybe you do notice it, like you notice absolutely everything about me. I feel like an open book when I’m around you. You’re just constantly flipping the pages of my life, reading every sentence and figuring me out more than I probably even know about myself. I don’t like it. Makes every second I’m around you even more awkward than I know it sho

I want to scream a thousand choruses And fly a million miles; just to get to you Run through a never-ending desert Just to reach my hand out to you. You know, I’m not sure what to say anymore Because you already have me lost for words And my throat is growing dry; my pulse quickening Because I see you, but I can’t seem to take that step forward. My heart keeps thump-thump-thumping And I imagine that it’s thumping just for you That only you can make me skip another beat That I want to believe you feel the same as I do.

Sometimes I find there are just too many things to say… I find myself at the edge of the cliff, waking from another nightmare. I’m falling forwards into nothing, when I know I should be falling into your arms. But you’re not there, and I know you won’t be anytime soon either. So I’ll just keep falling for days, and then wake up on that same cliff again someday when I realize that I don’t have any hero coming to rescue me like in those fairy tales I hear everyday. And other days I’ll find myself standing on thin ice, debating whether to take a risk or not. And maybe go mad because I never got to take that r

You’re always there for me, my guardian angel Giving me a shelter under your wings, protecting me from the unseen You give me an escape route from where I don’t want to be An escape to paradise from the hellish nightmares of life You’re my guardian angel. You tell me the words I want to hear, my imaginary friend Hold me when I want you to, always there when I need just someone Giving me someone to talk to and to understand me Because no one understands me better than you You’re my imaginary friend. You always love me, my own special someone Share the world with me, looking through  each other’s eyes like on

Sometimes, I find my mind wandering places I could never imagine existed in my head. They’re full of images, pasted from my life into a never-ending scrapbook of memories from before, from what it used to be. Or maybe, of what it should be. Because that’s exactly what it is. I turn the pages, finding myself dissolved into the pictures, capturing moments in time that could never be replaced with others, or be lost. Reliving what I once had, and what I soon gave up. And sometimes I wish these pictures could come to life around me, so that I could live in the harmony of your arms again, breathing in your air. But days keep passing by